Really good, effective, useful public relations is not that hard.

Yes I know, clients are a nightmare - I've been there.

This is not just another "annoyed journo rant", I worked in full time public relations roles for about seven years at agencies including Mmd, Brodeur and Spot On Dubai.

Can you find the hidden secret words?

1. How to start a PR email

Dear Adrian,

Here's a 3- to 5-line pitch summarising what I'm selling. Make no mistake, I am SELLING this idea and so I'm not going to wrap it up in useless shmoozing. I am going to get straight to the point and keep this pitch short, sharp and most of all... relevant to your JOURNALISTIC beat which I have read up on.

2. How NOT to start a PR email #1

Dear Bridgwater, Adrian

Mailmerge <to insert name>

3. How NOT to start a PR email #2

Dear Adrian,

As you know, companies today need to factor in blah blah bullsh1t etc.....

4. How NOT to start a PR email #3

Dear Adrian,

My client "Cloud Numpties Incorporated" is releasing an early private beta in 3-weeks from now so I have attached a DRAFT unapproved version of the press release going out next month below. Would you have time for a 30 minute briefing session with my client to discuss this story?

5. How NOT to start a PR email #4

Hi there -- I am just forwarding you the press release I emailed yesterday again as you didn't respond.

Okay people this is a tough one -- US agencies love to do this; they live in a world where it's fine to sell something of value to you again and again and again. British journalists hate this approach by and large. But the thing you need to realise most of all is that we probably have read your first email and, actually, we don't have time to enter into an email conversation with all 80 PR people that have emailed us that day.

Journalists become journalists because they have a talent for sniffing out hard hot news, they don't need it double-rammed down their throats twice, on consecutive days. You call it "circling back", we call it "the single most annoying thing you could possibly do" I'm afraid.

6. Be honest and real

If you have built up a relationship with a journalist, talk to them like they are a real person and step outside of your corporate training shell - this one is for in-house PR people more than anything else.

7. Selling like a pro

If you don't understand the technical details of the story then you should not be trusted to sell it. Don't read product specs out over the phone like it's some kind of acceptable sales patter. Technical journalists appreciate geeks and techies who love their product or subject, get into that mindset.